You’re thinking, “Really? Ableism? It’s ableist? Nah…”
Let me preface this by affirming that, for many of us on
this planet, we do possess a certain level of attraction to intelligence, of a
person being able to hold a conversation, and of course, to people who can at
least operate an electric hot water jug or the TV remote.
With the bounty of dating apps these days and with more
people feeling freer to explore different relationship structures and even kink,
we come across a lot of so-called labels that humans wish to declare on their
profiles, whether as a form of self-identification or just as a hint to the
type of person they are and who they want to meet and date. Sapiosexuality is
one that comes up a lot. Also, side note, just me, or are most dating profiles
with the word “sapiosexual” usually that of cis white men? Don’t come at me,
but I feel that this is a very fair generalisation.
Why is it ableist?
For starters, how do we measure intelligence? Is it by the
number of books that they lie about reading each week? Is it by their
education, did they finish kindergarden, high school, do they have one degree?
Or two? Or a Masters, Phd? Are they a nuclear physicist hell-bent on world
domination? (P.S pls get me their number thanks). Is it their mind-numbingly
boring but earns well corporate job, or reading Shakespeare, listening to
Mozart, while operating a forklift hauling pallets of toilet paper? Is it by
what PC games they play, whether it’s Windows Solitaire as an escape, or a more
serious and thought-provoking one like a strategy/adventure/puzzle game that
only 9% of players on Steam have been able to achieve past the first level? Is
it the lack of tasteful nudes? Is it the lack of fucking swearing like a
sailor? Is it having a proper BBC English voice? What is it? How do we measure
intelligence?
Here is the thing. You cannot.
You’re measuring by your own worth, and your own value.
Which is not an inherently bad thing. You’re also pushing them on to others.
Much like that annoying preacher on the street corner pushing his religion on
to you. We hate that, don't we?
But if you are a person who is wondering why they cannot
find a person they enjoy spending time with but are yet dismissing 95% of dating
profiles because you feel that they aren’t or don't look “intelligent” enough
for you. How do you even determine that in the first place?
I went off on a tangent, no regerts – and yes, that was
intentional. How do ya like me now, huh. Anyhoo, how does this type of
“sexuality” (it’s not even a valid one, but whatever) come into play when it
comes to ableism?
So, I’ll use myself as an example, because of my own lived
experiences. I am profoundly Deaf; I have been since birth. I can speak well,
and I lipread well, but have 99.9% hearing loss now. I live my life
independently, as I should. I am also currently doing an undergrad degree, I
can read and write (sorry, kidding, I used ChatGPT for this). As many humans
with disabilities have the right to do so, and many of them achieve so much.
However, I also live with the pervasive “Deaf and Dumb” stigma from over a
century ago. Yeah, yeah. You’re right now thinking “But I’d never think that
about a Deaf person!”
You have. We all have.
We all also have at one point or other infantilised
grown-ass people with disabilities and dismissed the level of intelligence that
they ALWAYS possess. Those people work much harder than you do, within the lens
of privilege when it comes to being abled or disabled, especially if they are a
minority and disabled. They also achieve far greater than you do, in everyday
life. While you’re sat on your ass moaning that you cannot find someone who can
operate an electric kettle, let alone actually get to fuck or pluck out your
chin hairs with. They're wondering if they will ever be accepted in this
society that has been built around YOU being abled.
A person who labels themselves as sapiosexual are,
privately, rather dumb individuals. For one, they possess very little to zero
understanding of what intelligence is. Two, they seem to think that their own
intelligence is an attractive part of themselves and expect others to think so.
Also, I can absolutely guarantee you that they would be the first to turn off
once they see that there is “something wrong” about a potential suitor, even if
it’s just a cane as a walking aid, or a colostomy bag.
Another tangent: Sapiosexuality is also regarded by some as
a mechanism for white supremacy. It’s a very bold claim, but it does have
validity to it, especially when you begin to understand those very mechanisms
that came to the fore in the first half of the 20th century, particularly for
disabled people – we lost a great number during those terrible times. I don’t
need to remind you of what those times were either. But this isn’t about race,
nor the racial differences. Sort of, but I’ll get to that part another time if
I do another writing bitching about sapiosexuality.
It’s about ableism and why sapiosexuality is so problematic.
So, the next time you declare, like a pompous ass, that you’re sapiosexual,
please take a moment to think to yourself… “Yikes, what a total dick I sound
like.”
Just say that you’re attracted to intelligence without a
need to overly explain or back yourself up with a claim, and just because
they’re not into the same things that one requires brain power for, it doesn’t
mean at all that they are wrong for you. We are all attracted to intelligence,
even me. Sapiosexuality isn’t, at best, a valid sexuality either. Which just makes
it the more ridiculous when you delve further into what it is.
I hope that I’ve at least given you some food for thought –
whether positive or negative.
Nga mihi ki a koe e hoa.
Dall
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