I wrote this a while ago and posted it to another site. I've sort of slowly started moving some things from that site (some of you will know of the one I am referring to!) due to its ethics and its - lack of - handling of serious social inequalities and other things, which doesn't fit nor sit right for me.
I kinda felt like writing about this. I've only, in the past couple of years, started self-identifying as queer. It's not just as a gender expression, but also a way to identify my own sexuality. I'm she/they, and those are the pronouns I use in everyday life. I use they also because, like honorifics, I feel that the binary gender pronouns don't always have a place in everyday conversations. It's also to try and do away with assumptions. Growing up, I couldn't "decide" which binary gender I had a preference for, and it wasn't until my late teens and early 20s that I realised that I didn't have a preference, but I struggled to define my own sexuality, especially with the stereotypes that came with being bisexual (at that time). So, I always diverted myself from labelling my own person as bisexual.
But I'm really wanting to talk about my own sexual identity. Since I started practicing polyamory (solo-polyamory actually) a few years ago, after many years of wondering if I was normal, I have met so many wonderful people from all walks of life, all with different gender and sex expression and lifestyles. However, the majority of my relationships have been with cishet men, and so therefore, I am often in a straight passing relationship. I joke that it's because cis men are easier, haha, but the reality is that often, it's actually easier for me to be in cishet relationships in a world that is still very much heteronormative, patriarchal and ableist (I'm Deaf). As much as I try to not live a heteronormative and monogamous life, I do tend to find myself in those cishet relationships more often than not. I'm not saying cis men are the "baddies" - over the past few years, I've met many wonderful cis men who appreciated me for me, and always encouraged me to be my own true self, regardless. Those times have been such precious taonga for me, that I take with me on this journey.
The last time I was in a relationship with a cis woman was a few years ago now, and even that was an interesting journey, and I miss her very much still (she had to move back to USA). I was briefly with a woman last year also.
However, I have been intimate with trans and gender fluid humans, with cis men and women, and every in between. I don't place greater emphasis on gender. As long as you are a good human, I will like you, and probably be attracted to you based on qualities that aren't visual.
Anyway, I digress. This is a roundabout way of me trying to say two things - my relationships don't define my gender nor my sexuality.
And I miss being with a femme. :p
I don't know if it's just because of where I live, but queer polyamorous women are thin on the ground here. I'd have better luck cosplaying JC and turning water to wine!
So, to reiterate...
Your relationships do NOT define your gender or sexuality.
Anyone want a wine at the end of this now? Given that I've been off on many tangents and back now?!
Dall
Comments
Post a Comment