In my After, it's been a period of finding myself again. However, not only that but also just what it is that I am capable of, of rediscovering my confidence, of revelation about myself, past relationships, past desires, goals, and so on. And also, of finding out who my friends are, those who will stick with you through thick and thin. Basically, those ones who say "Yep, things are a tad fucked. I'm right here next to you."
Anyhow, onto other things. One of those such things described above has been of my own sexuality. Who am I? Or, maybe, what am I?
Over the last almost two years, since I started dating again after separating from a long term partner in 2016 (yes, it took me that long to get out there!), I found Tinder. Thanks to that app, I've met a wide variety of people, I've had lovers of different gender and sexuality, and I was also in the most loving and enjoyable relationship for a year. And I've thoroughly enjoyed every single moment of it. Of enjoying sex again, enjoying just being myself - physically, emotionally, and mentally. My Breakdown wasn't a part of that, but did threaten to derail my newfound confidence and how I felt about myself. If anything, I fought much harder to not let that happen. It may have derailed other aspects of my life, but I wasn't about to let it do this to my sexual independence and liberation. And it led me on an whole another journey, one which I now am exploring more of, and liking what I see so far. It is that of polamory. Or, in a better sense, ethical non-monogamy. Unlike unethical non-monogamy - cheating on your partner.
Polyamory (from Greek poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved.
Don't look so shocked. Your grandmother probably had a few boyfriends whom she wrote to during the war, along with writing to her husband on the battlefield. It's been around for a very long time. And no, it's not one of those Utah Mormon marriages with several wives to one husband - that is called polygamy. Or, rather, bigamy, if you want the legal term. But it has, in the last few years, only become more mainstream. It's not an excuse to shag as many people as you want. Monogamy is actually a fairly new concept to humans. Before Christianity came along, it was common for many people to take on multiple lovers and partners. I'm pretty sure that's how Adam and Eve got started...
The one important thing about polyam is having open and honest communication between you, your primary partner, or all your partners and you. Honest, being the key word. In the last few months, I was dating a married woman in a polyamorous marriage, I was also dating a man who had a long term girlfriend in another city, with her blessing. I also became friends with a man who had two female partners. I also recently proposed "friends with benefits" to a close friend, whom I have an open dialogue with, who has a new girlfriend with several polyamorous relationships of her own. During all this, I also had a couple of sexual encounters, which were a lot of fun, but somehow felt... lacking.
Why? I felt a connection with the people I dated, as they did too. All were, and are, kind and intimate relationships - any sex that occurred was the bonus, essentially. I still have contact with all, and I consider them close friends now. At the moment, I am single. I guess the more correct term for my own situation would be "solo-poly", but I would love, one day, to have a primary partner with whom we can include others within our relationship, or have our own relationships outside of it. Why am I exploring this? A partner and I had discussed introducing polyamory to our relationship. Unfortunately, at the time, I was not in the right head space to figure things out, such as boundaries, and trying to figure out where we would start with finding that special somebody to join our relationship. But it definitely sparked my interest. And since then, the more I have researched, and explored this, the more it fits me. Oddly, it is like that missing jigsaw puzzle that you've finally found under the couch and now it can join the other pieces to make a bigger and more clearer picture.
I'm not the marrying type. I never have been. I have never been one to have "daydreams" about what my wedding would be like, what would I be wearing, or more importantly, my ideal partner. You would have to shoot me in the temple because I would honestly struggle with coming up of what my ideal partner would be. I think I would only ask that they are kind, respectful, and communicative. I was once engaged, for three or so years, and looking back, I now understand why I dragged my feet. I did not want to start planning for a wedding, and my then fiance was always in a "don't care" mood, he was very apathetic about marrying (I think he only proposed out of fear of losing me). I was relieved, actually, when we finally separated. I felt freer.
And now? I feel even more free. More confident. And I look ahead to the next year, I'm 40 next year. Apart from a few blips along the way, I have absolutely loved my 30's, how liberating I felt, how much I had discovered of my own body, what got me going, and the freedom to say how I want it, or what I need. Bring on the 40's!
OH, and I guess, this is me coming out on a public platform - as pan/omni sexual, and polyamorous. Although I do have my suspicions some of you knew anyway. ;)
Anyhow, onto other things. One of those such things described above has been of my own sexuality. Who am I? Or, maybe, what am I?
Over the last almost two years, since I started dating again after separating from a long term partner in 2016 (yes, it took me that long to get out there!), I found Tinder. Thanks to that app, I've met a wide variety of people, I've had lovers of different gender and sexuality, and I was also in the most loving and enjoyable relationship for a year. And I've thoroughly enjoyed every single moment of it. Of enjoying sex again, enjoying just being myself - physically, emotionally, and mentally. My Breakdown wasn't a part of that, but did threaten to derail my newfound confidence and how I felt about myself. If anything, I fought much harder to not let that happen. It may have derailed other aspects of my life, but I wasn't about to let it do this to my sexual independence and liberation. And it led me on an whole another journey, one which I now am exploring more of, and liking what I see so far. It is that of polamory. Or, in a better sense, ethical non-monogamy. Unlike unethical non-monogamy - cheating on your partner.
Polyamory (from Greek poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved.
The one important thing about polyam is having open and honest communication between you, your primary partner, or all your partners and you. Honest, being the key word. In the last few months, I was dating a married woman in a polyamorous marriage, I was also dating a man who had a long term girlfriend in another city, with her blessing. I also became friends with a man who had two female partners. I also recently proposed "friends with benefits" to a close friend, whom I have an open dialogue with, who has a new girlfriend with several polyamorous relationships of her own. During all this, I also had a couple of sexual encounters, which were a lot of fun, but somehow felt... lacking.
Why? I felt a connection with the people I dated, as they did too. All were, and are, kind and intimate relationships - any sex that occurred was the bonus, essentially. I still have contact with all, and I consider them close friends now. At the moment, I am single. I guess the more correct term for my own situation would be "solo-poly", but I would love, one day, to have a primary partner with whom we can include others within our relationship, or have our own relationships outside of it. Why am I exploring this? A partner and I had discussed introducing polyamory to our relationship. Unfortunately, at the time, I was not in the right head space to figure things out, such as boundaries, and trying to figure out where we would start with finding that special somebody to join our relationship. But it definitely sparked my interest. And since then, the more I have researched, and explored this, the more it fits me. Oddly, it is like that missing jigsaw puzzle that you've finally found under the couch and now it can join the other pieces to make a bigger and more clearer picture.
I'm not the marrying type. I never have been. I have never been one to have "daydreams" about what my wedding would be like, what would I be wearing, or more importantly, my ideal partner. You would have to shoot me in the temple because I would honestly struggle with coming up of what my ideal partner would be. I think I would only ask that they are kind, respectful, and communicative. I was once engaged, for three or so years, and looking back, I now understand why I dragged my feet. I did not want to start planning for a wedding, and my then fiance was always in a "don't care" mood, he was very apathetic about marrying (I think he only proposed out of fear of losing me). I was relieved, actually, when we finally separated. I felt freer.
And now? I feel even more free. More confident. And I look ahead to the next year, I'm 40 next year. Apart from a few blips along the way, I have absolutely loved my 30's, how liberating I felt, how much I had discovered of my own body, what got me going, and the freedom to say how I want it, or what I need. Bring on the 40's!
OH, and I guess, this is me coming out on a public platform - as pan/omni sexual, and polyamorous. Although I do have my suspicions some of you knew anyway. ;)
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